Friday, May 25, 2007
A Few Words About Mom
Before I get too deep into this I want to say a few words about my mom. This is important to give you perspective. Mom is dad's primary caretaker. She is the one who is with him at home every day and night. She is the one who tends to his every need, makes sure he gets up in the morning, gets fed when he needs to, gets to his daycare group, and countless other things.
What I need to tell you is, my mom is an extraordinary human being. I don't say this just because she does all that she does to make my dad's life comfortable, but rather because she just is. She has been a caretaker her entire life. Not only did she bring up three exceptional children, but her chosen career is nursing in geriatrics. To this day, she continues to go to work at a nursing home twice a week and see to the proper care of hundreds of elderly patients, all the while knowing that each night when she gets home, her "job" starts all over again.
I say all this to give you the flavor for what she goes through as a primary caretaker, and what I see and experience every time I visit. You see, it is hard to imagine living with someone for almost 60 years, looking forward to the "golden years" and then finding yourself in the position of what seems like a nanny.
Every time I visit my heart bleeds for my mom. There is no greater manifestation of the adage "life is not fair" than seeing what my mom has to go through day in and day out. My visit is as much for her, maybe more, as it is for dad. When I (or my brother and sister) visit, we bring with us a much deserved escape from the intensity of 24-hour care. We distract him and allow her a moment of peace, and a real conversation.
I will confess that visiting my dad is emotionally draining, and for me it's just a few hours. Every time I leave I can't help thinking "how does she do it?" And I am filled with sadness that I can't do more to ease her pain. Yes, and I suffer from the Jewish child's guilt syndrome.
Sometimes even a phonecall helps make a difference. Dad can't communicate much on the phone, but I know hearing from his children makes his day just a little happier, which in turn makes mom's a little lighter.
I now plan my week around my visits so that I know at least once a week I can spend time with them, usually on weekends because my new line of work makes weekdays a little more difficult. Usually we go out, sometimes we stay in, but all the times it makes a difference.
Lenny
What I need to tell you is, my mom is an extraordinary human being. I don't say this just because she does all that she does to make my dad's life comfortable, but rather because she just is. She has been a caretaker her entire life. Not only did she bring up three exceptional children, but her chosen career is nursing in geriatrics. To this day, she continues to go to work at a nursing home twice a week and see to the proper care of hundreds of elderly patients, all the while knowing that each night when she gets home, her "job" starts all over again.
What I can say with some confidence is, even though she spent a career caring for the elderly and infirmed, nothing could have prepared her for the stress of caring for a husband with Alzheimer's.
For my entire life my mom has been the counter-balance that has kept my dad from going over the deep end. And let me tell you, that was no easy task. She was his alter-ego, his social planner, his medical advisor, his ground control and his touch with reality. Things are no different today except that her responsibilities are amplified.I say all this to give you the flavor for what she goes through as a primary caretaker, and what I see and experience every time I visit. You see, it is hard to imagine living with someone for almost 60 years, looking forward to the "golden years" and then finding yourself in the position of what seems like a nanny.
Every time I visit my heart bleeds for my mom. There is no greater manifestation of the adage "life is not fair" than seeing what my mom has to go through day in and day out. My visit is as much for her, maybe more, as it is for dad. When I (or my brother and sister) visit, we bring with us a much deserved escape from the intensity of 24-hour care. We distract him and allow her a moment of peace, and a real conversation.
I will confess that visiting my dad is emotionally draining, and for me it's just a few hours. Every time I leave I can't help thinking "how does she do it?" And I am filled with sadness that I can't do more to ease her pain. Yes, and I suffer from the Jewish child's guilt syndrome.
Sometimes even a phonecall helps make a difference. Dad can't communicate much on the phone, but I know hearing from his children makes his day just a little happier, which in turn makes mom's a little lighter.
I now plan my week around my visits so that I know at least once a week I can spend time with them, usually on weekends because my new line of work makes weekdays a little more difficult. Usually we go out, sometimes we stay in, but all the times it makes a difference.
Lenny
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All the love from the Paltiels and chabad of port washington to Lenny and to your mom. She is truly a special woman. Hashem should give her the strength. Michel will always have a very meaningful, enduring legacy in our Chabad House. Our Aron Kodesh is the largest work of sculpture he created, and he was very proud of it. Plus, our holocaust memorial is the largest copy of his Zechor design. Good man. hashem should bless all of you. Thanks for keeping us in the loop.
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